That bloke who supposedly runs the British government, Mr Jockanese himself Gordon Brown, has announced plans to drag the populace up from the doldrums they currently inhabit.
The average brit is feeling the pressure from rising fuel and food costs, the media is always harping on about recession, and it's pissing it down all the time.
Therefore, the government is to issue free beer and ice cream from town halls up and down the country with immediate effect.
Mr Brown commented:
"I think that we are all feeling the pinch from the global credit crunch. Therefore, I plan to initiate measures to help cheer everyone up. Free beer and ice cream! What more can be done to help you forget your woes?
"I have received recent criticism over the governments reaction to the global credit crisis, accusations that we have done nothing to help the British people.
"I expect these measures to help redress those accusations "
When questioned as to what flavours of ice cream will be available, the prime minister declined to comment.