Written by Mrs Kensington
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Wednesday, 20 August 2008

image for Clooney "Judy Finnigan's Tits have Ruined my Love Life"
Finnigan's Bra - "magnificent"

In a sensational outburst on UK television, enigmatic commitment phobic George Clooney has revealed that he hasn't had an orgasm with a woman since the Millenium.

Clooney (47), the second sexiest man on the planet whose thumbs are reportedly insured for $1 billion, made the shocking claim during an interview about his new film "Burn After Reading" with gibbering cockney film critic, Jonathon "Floppy" Ross.

In the film, released in October, Clooney plays unscrupulous gym employee Harry Pfarrer, who tries to sell the memoirs of a CIA agent which have come into his possession by accident.

"It was incwedible" Ross, who owns a marble bath worth £2million, told reporters. "One minute George was talking about his film, the next he'd jumped on his chair and started shouting that he hadn't been able to have meaningful sex since the day he saw Judy Finnigan weveal her bwa on the National Television Awards in 2000".

Friends of the silver haired actor, who has dated over 3,500 of the most beautiful A-listers in the world but has never had a relationship that lasted more than three days, have revealed that Clooney's obsession with Finnigan's size HH breasts has become "uncontrollable".

In a press conference yesterday Film 2008 presenter Ross, who owns a gold-plated juicer, agreed that Judy's breasts are "indeed incwedible" and he "wouldn't mind a quick feel if the wife'd let me", but wouldn't comment further on Clooney's state of mind at their meeting.

"Come on" he declared, "I was asking him about a film where he plays an unswupulous man called Hawwy Pfawwer. How'd you expect me to have time to notice if he was off his wocker?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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