A catalogue mail-order firm has today admitted that its popular home shopping catalogue is in fact run by the Triads and is a window for organised crime and people trafficking.
Catalogue manager, Salo Return, made this astonishing revelation in police custody when he was arrested yesterday for overfilling his green wheelie-bin outside his house in the leafy suburbs of Harpenden.
Inspector Mo Hairsuite explains:
"When Mr Return was arrested, he looked for immunity in exchange for giving us some vital information. If only to save on the paperwork, we agreed.
"It seems that price flashes throughout the catalogue clothing section don't refer to the clothes at all. Where it says 'From £30' and a nice girl is modelling a dress, it actually means the girl is available for nanny duties and abusive beatings by obnoxious wealthy tax evaders who live here and will pay their nannies only £30 for a 90-hour week.
"And, for example, where it is flashed 'From £20' above the picture of a teenage girl, this is in fact the weekly rate charged for her services to, for example, a Primark sweatshop.
"I have to say we were completely shocked by this.
"The Police Catologue Crime division are now trawling through other catalogues - Argos, Richer Sounds, Innovations and the Yellow Pages etc - to see if this practice, is, as we now suspect, further widespread."