The Archbishop of Canterbury has decided to follow the advice of African Anglican witch doctors in an effort to resolve the long standing conflict over sex in the Anglican Church. Archbishop Rowan Wittwon-Oar claims to have had a revelation while attending a conservative prayer circle and chicken sacrificial rite hosted by African Anglican witch doctors.
Rowan said: "It all became clear to me! The future of our church is not with the liberals who seem interminably aligned with non-breeders or zero populationists. Africa is our future and polygamy is our hope for that future. If we commit ourselves to the vision of the third world Anglicans we will have more members than there are Mormons in Utah. It may take a while for the contributions to catch up but let's face it...how often are the liberals sober enough on Sunday morning to even find the church, never mind, the collection basket!?"
When asked about what gay Anglican couples should do, the Archbishop suggested: "Pray! Pay! And if you can't obey...try not to block the center aisle..."