A farmer from Shropshire, who had faced bankrupcy after his potato crop was devastated by a freak outbreak of Black Scurf, has been saved at the eleventh hour by the discovery of a large spud which looks uncannily like popular pigeon-toed GMTV presenter, Kate Garraway (60).
Donald Jaffe (36) immediately put the curvey root vegetable on Ebay and within hours, bidding had reached a figure approaching £5 million. The revelation is the latest chapter in an internet auction saga around the toothy blonde, which has seen her half-eaten banana sold for £1,650 and an aging fetishist paying £3,000 to watch her eat one suggestively.
"I knew that Kate was a scorcher" chortled red-faced yokel Jaffe, but the sale of my potato has far outstripped all expectations" Indeed, the proceeds of the sale are so incredible that The simple landowner, who left school at the age of 11, plans to sell his farm and move to Jersey with a big-eared lad.
When asked if he would do the decent thing and give a share of the proceeds to Kate, who is married to a chubby New Labour spin doctor who studied psychology at night school, Mr Jaffe replied "You've got to be kidding. Why would I waste any of my money on a potato-faced old tart like her?"