Written by Igor Biscanator
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Monday, 18 August 2008

image for Ronaldo sale could devastate local economy
The Dwayne Ballooney could be heading over your garden

Surrey County Council have revealled the potentially devastating effects on the local economy that the sale of Ronaldo could have on the local economy should the star winker move on to greater things at Real Madrid.

With the local economy already in crisis the sale of Ronaldo could well threaten to plunge it into further depths of despair. Local retailers have already reported that Marmite sales have decreased dramatically, and the influx of new competitors in the local diving club has dried up which threatens to bring to a halt attempts to have a new football pitch/diving pool complex. Jimmys joke shop has noted that the sale of false acney has all but dried up and the local chip shops extra income from selling surplus greace to Utd fans has also fallen as Utd fans turn their backs on their former idol.

They may be down but they are not out. Surrey County Council have announced that they have ambitious plans to fill the marketing void left by Ronaldo should he leave. One spokesperson commented "We are in talks about contruction of a lifesize Wayne Rooney Blimp that we hope to use for advertising space, as we may not be able to secure exlcusive rights to the name it will be provisionally called the Dwayne Ballooney. We have already had several offers for space should it become a reality including Sayers, Pukka Pies, and Fatty Arbuckles. We are also in talks with Utd about securing the space on Van Der Sars ears for advertising rights, and we are in the final leg of discussions with Ikea and Utd for producing relpicas of Michael Carricks seat on the bench with a view to making it a household product"

Only time will tell how successful these schemes are, but both Surrey CC and Uts are putting on a brave face in light of these rumours

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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