Written by Mrs Kensington
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Topics: Gay, John Barrowman

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

image for Barrowman in Sexuality Breakthrough
If this makes you hard you're gay

John Barrowman, the chirpy camp time traveller who is sometimes Scottish, is hotly tipped for a BAFTA for his ground breaking documentary on the causes of homosexuality.

In the programme Barrowman, who has a large collection of cuff-links, subjects himself to scans, neurological screening and a chat with his parents about bikinis.

"It's all pretty sensational stuff" he beamed ecstatically at a press conference in Cardiff yesterday. "Basically the way to find out about your true sexuality is to watch clips of naked women and then men. If your cock gets hard at the women and not the men you're straight; if it gets hard at the men and not the women you're gay; and if it gets hard at both, you're probably bi-sexual".

The ground-breaking revelations have fuelled suggestions that Barrowman (52) may himself be gay. The bright-toothed song and dance man, who has told friends that Andrew Lloyd Webber looks "pastry-faced" in real-life, declined to comment but his best friend Paul O'Grady admitted that he wasn't actually his friend at all, but would "really like to be".

Yesterday, a spokesperson for the British Medical Association described Barrowman's findings as "very interesting" and Shadow Secretary of State for Health, Andrew Lansley CBE, told reporters "This documentary could drastically change the way in which we look at the whole subject of sexuality"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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