Gangland boss, Barry "the Makerel" Morris has stunned his former criminal pals and has turned over a new leaf as a respectable restrateur in the sleepy holiday harbour town of Padstow.
Speaking from his seaside Michelin starred eatery he tells us:
"Well like, I've fancied doing this kinda fing for a while and I fought, why not? This place was being run by some geezer off of the telly and I had a word wif 'im and that was it - sorted like"
When our reporter then went on to ask what Morris had paid amiable fish-fryer, Rick Stein, for the business as a going concern, Morris commented:
"Do what son? Fack off! I just ad' it pal. End of..." The former gangster then left en-route to a game of golf at an exclusive health spa.
Keith Floyd, trail-blazing TV chef and piss artist, was said to be in hiding in case he was asked to "sell" his own restaurant too, that's if he actually has one. However, at the time of going to press TheSpoof.com is unsure.