Written by Mrs Kensington
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Tuesday, 19 August 2008

image for Lorraine Kelly "Not Really Scottish"
Connery - Scottish

The world of entertainment is reeling today following sensational claims that bubbly round-shouldered GMTV presenter Lorraine Kelly (55), is only pretending to be Scottish and was actually born in the US.

The shock revelation has come from exuberant, time-travelling homosexual John Barrowman, in his recently released autobiography 'Mince and Tatties'.

Barrowman, who is even more handsome in real life than he is on television, claims that he and the loveable breakfast TV star attended the Cynthia Murray School of Speech and Drama in Glasgow in 1978, where Kelly was top of the class and gained a first class diploma in Scottish Dialect Skills.

"Lorraine was always much better at the accent than me" he enthused excitedly, "but I was better at rolling my r's".

Ms Kelly was unavailable for comment yesterday but her best friend Paul O'Grady told reporters "So what if Lol isn't really a jock. I was born in an enormous castle in Ascot. It took me twenty years to learn this sodding scouse accent but look at me today".

A GMTV spokesperson stated yesterday "This won't affect Lorraine's position at GMTV one little bit. Being Scottish was never a stipulation of her contract"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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