Written by Mrs Kensington
Print this

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

image for Food Rationing - "It's Not All Doom and Gloom" claims Brown
Squirrel - tastes like chicken.

Gordon Brown has defended Government plans to introduce food rationing in England and Wales, in an effort to avert a national famine.

"People should lighten up, it really isn't that bad" he smiled dourly. "During the war, people enjoyed all sorts of delicacies that we seem to have forgotten today. Spam, dried egg, crab apples and squirrel have all but disappeared from the British diet and it's a shame. None of these items would be rationed in the new proposals".

In an effort to prove that he means business Brown today announced the appointment of shrinking wartime domestic goddess Marguerite Patten OBE (108) as ' Thrifty Zsar'.

"There really are many tasty and nutritious ways to survive a food crisis" she chirped croakily. "Parsnips are very versatile and can be used in many ways to replace the foods we have taken for granted over the past 60 years. They are delicious pureed in jams,tarts and hummus and the juice of a satsuma can be added for vital vitamin C."

Brown declined to comment on plans to exclude Scotland from the first phase of rationing but suggested that cardboard and lard would make an admirable substitute for bread and butter and would also be a handy way to recycle old boxes and dead pets.

Make Mrs Kensington's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 plus 3?

2 6 17 15
48 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more