When Tory Leader David Cameron discovered his bike had been stolen from outside his local Supermarket his reaction was shocking even to the most hardened of journalists.
"This is an absolute f**king joke" cried Cameron, "its disgusting that a hard working, respectful and caring person such as my self has to put up with chavy nobs nicking my stuff"
"I blame that bloody Gordon Brown for this. When I'm Prime Minister I'm going to bring in Sharia law and then well see if these thief's can ride off with my stuff when they've had their hands cut off!!!"
Mr Cameron has become known for his keenness for greenness and uses his bike to get around. It is public knowledge around Westminster that he has become very close to his bike with one high ranking Scottish Labour MP joking that Cameron rides his bike like his wants to ride Thatcher.
The Manager of the Supermarket a Mr P Engiun said "Thefts in this area are relatively unknown and we no nothing about them. It's a shame his bike was stolen as he will now have to carry his edition of Political Opposition for Dummies that he just bought"
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith was unavailable for comment as she was having her bikini line done in preparation for her upcoming holiday.