Written by Marty Robbins
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Topics: Police, Charity, arrest

Thursday, 24 July 2008

image for Man arrested for not caring
"Fuckin' wasters, always wantin' my bleedin' money."

Manchester, England - A man was arrested yesterday on suspicion that he did not care about the latest famine currently ravaging Ethiopia.

Reg Lofthouse, 68, of Primrose Cresent, Bolton, was sitting on a park bench, watching his grandsons playing, when he was approached by a charity collector who rattled a collection tin in Mr Lofthouses' face.

Police say that Mr Lofthouse, a distant cousin of football legend Nat, asked the charity worker what cause she was collecting for. When informed, Mr Lofthouse declared "I don't give a shit. It seems to me that they're always starving in bloody Abyssinia."

Furious, the charity worker, a Ms Template, 27, and from Salford, rushed to a nearby police station and reported the offence.

Several armed rapid response units then rushed to the park, immobilized Mr Lofthouse with pepper spray, then conveyed him to the station, leaving his grandsons to fend for themselves.

Police say charges will be pressed unless Mr Lofthouse undergoes "voluntary" re-education at the well known Liubyanka Clinic in Preston. Head of clinic,Proffesor Boris Obolenkovitch, said that Mr Lofthouse would probably be treated with electro-shock treatment or with a chemical cocktail perfected by the Proffessor during his early career in the now defunct Soviet union.

"We really knew how to deal with dissidents in the good old days" the Professor grinned evily.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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