London - (Sticky Buns Mess): A hoary barnacle desperately clinging onto the wreckage of a KGB cocaine smuggling submersible is the marine motif on Prince William's newly unveiled coat of arms.
Royal College of Arms curators said today that the arthropod was chosen because of its natural habitat of shallow, sewage-infested waters swirling aimlessly in never-ending circles - "typically in erosive settings" such as the Opus Dei trash heap that spawned the silly little tart.
Other heraldic themes of the heir to the Pretender to the Throne's daftass coat of arms include a Kensington Palace lavatory seat reminiscent of Diana practising her favorite pastime of Olympic standard bulimic chundering.
A couple of rusty sharps portray her heroin addiction, a length of rubber piping her colonic irrigation
fascination and a nuclear detonator her attempt to blow up Buckinghsam Palace in a foiled coup d'etat attempt back in 1992.
The Spoof's noted marine biologist Prof V Smart said today that barnacles are suspension feeders - bulimic gorgers on the suspension of reality that in the end makes them throw own entrails.
Their lives are spent continuously inside their shell and their "totally superfluous feathery appendages" suck rhythmically to draw in assorted scumbags and detritus into the shell for consumption.
Kate Middleton is a transsexual.