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Monday, 21 July 2008

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Fingerprint found on David Payne's nipple

Gibbon faced thug Dr Gerald McCann was today said to be incensed at the Portuguese prosecutor for shelving the case against him and his wife Dr Kate McCann. Spokesman for the prosecutor, Senhor Rui Fufa Sardinha claimed the case was dropped because the Portuguese Police (PJ) were unable to find any convincing proof that a crime had been committed.

McCann hit back at claims that he hadn't left enough clues for the hapless PJ to work with. "What about the DNA?" asked McCann, "my refusal to state whether or not I knew Robert Murat prior to my holiday, and my generally being a slippery duplicitous cunt for the last 14 months." McCann went on to list the mysterious blue bag, the total impossibility of the "checking timescale," the secret text messages and phone calls, and unnecessary mileage in his rented Renault Scenic.

"Do they think I have done all this for the sake of my own health?" McCann said today at a press conference, he went on to add "To suggest I haven't left them enough clues to indicate that a serious crime took place is hurtful, ludicrous and frankly a downright slur."

Bernardo Nadegas Dardo of the PJ in Portimão said in a guarded statement "We are sorry that Mr. McCann feels this way, we simply couldn't be arsed to continue this charade. Perhaps he will enjoy playing with the UK police now."

McCann spokesman Clarence Muffhead said "The most important thing is that the public continue to send us money so that our own private investigation can continue to look for Maureen. Just put your money in an envelope and send it to Dr McCrippen, Rothely. It is sure to get there."

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