Written by Clifford Rutley
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Topics: Gordon Brown, Labour

Sunday, 20 July 2008

image for James Callaghan Returns From Dead To Congratulate Gordon Brown
Darth Brown, Evil Lord Of The Labour Sith.

Gordon Brown today told us that an apparition of former British Labour Prime Minister, James Callaghan, apparently appeared in his bedroom last night, like some sort of Wuthering Heights Heathcliff ghost coming back from the moor.

Callaghan was the Labour prime minister before Margaret Thatcher, during the disastrous late seventies, which saw us in a recession, three day working week and in the horrifying Winter of Discontent, with council workers leaving garbage uncollected and power stations turned off. One American famously said that he visited Britain in the late seventies and found that the place was closed, which wasn't far from the truth.

Callaghan died with pride in 2005, safe in the knowledge that no one could mess up the country as much as he did, but now it seems that he was wrong.

We can back up Gordon's claims with the secret CCTV bug that we had installed in number 10 during Tony's reign of terror. The video actually showed the apparition appearing at the foot of Gordon's bed, just like he told us. Here is what transpires on the tape…

Gordon awakes from his light slumber and he sees Callaghan's ghost. 'Oh good grief James,' he says. 'I don't deserve the honour! What can I do for you?'

'You are a clever bloke Gordon,' Callaghan says. 'I thought I did a good job during the three years I was PM, but nothing can compare to what you and Tony did. You really pulled the wool over everyone's eyes didn't you! Your historic three consecutive Labour terms have caused chaos whilst you distracted the general public with glittering bobbles that are useless in the long run, as you got at the real foundations of the country and ruined them forever. Now the country will be finished for good, should this recession turn into a long term deep depression - which it looks certain that it will.'

'Why thank you,' Gordon replies with a evil smirk on his face before he does that disgustingly loud superiority complex breathing thing, out of the side of his mouth. 'And when the yanks invade Iran, we will be there with them to get world war three going.'

'Excellent,' Callaghan says with glee as he rubs his hands together like some sort of lord of darkness.

Gordon looks proud of himself as he says, 'Oh and the draft and the resulting fighting on the streets, mass slaughter and nuclear winter will be glorious.'

'Oh it will,' Callaghan says with an evil giggle. 'Oh it will!'

All the video then shows us is the pair of them laughing madly for a long while as though they are possessed deranged creatures from the pit of Satan's hell. This continued for so long that we got board and decided to go to the pub for a pint - before the price of alcohol goes up again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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