Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 19 July 2008

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Frumpy and anorexic: Middleton at the royal do today

London - (Ass Mess): As she swept up the aisle of the Queen's Chapel on the arm of her father the Duke of Gloucester today radiant-looking bride Lady Rose Windsor was heard stifling a cringeing gasp at the sight of desperate royal clinger-on Kate Middleton sitting in the front row pews.

Lady Rose, 26, was getting married to long-time boyfriend George Gilman at a lavish Palace do that managed to tolerate, albeit through gritted teeth, the entire phalanx of the Puppet Monarchy that turned out for the freebie piss-up as if they were indeed related by blood.

They aren't of course.

Still, the Gloucesters put on a jolly good show as ever despite the presence of such lurid desperados as Middleton, Lord 'Bum'Bandit' Linley, Lord St John of Fawsley's hideous gargoyle of a daughter who for the last 30 years has been impersonating Princess Anne and assorted other duplicitous IRA whores with their snouts in the Civil List trough.

Middleton looked frumpy and anorexic as ever today but still managed to elbow her way past other guests to ensure her mugshot appears in all the Sunday rags tomorrow.

Chelsy Davy is pregnant.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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