Written by queen mudder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 18 July 2008

image for Gas bills 'top 1,000 a year'
OMFG!

London - (Ass Mess) Soaring gas bills are being blamed today for 1,000 people topping themselves every year.

"Yeah, but the old stick-yer-neck-in-the-oven routine is just too damned expensive these days," an Offgas source speculated.

"Customers are preferring to break into neighbors' houses and top themselves for free by plugging into the mains for a quick burst of 50,000 volts, and suchlike.

"Continuing high oil prices appear to be a good enough excuse for greedy bastards like British Gas to add several noughts onto annual bills."

Meanwhile pensioners who normally get a Government winter heating allowance are being urged by UK Chancellor Alistair Darling to use innovative schemes to cut back on consumption.

A Treasury website said today oldies would be far better off simply by bricking themselves in from November to April to avoid chilly draughts.

"Of course setting fire to something combustible - like a pesky ageing spouse - is also an altervative."

Gorgon Brown is away with the fairies.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

9 19 13 3
73 readers are online right now!

Go to top