Written by Steddyeddy
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Friday, 18 July 2008

image for Thanks to Prime Minister, bucket and spade shortage threatens
Not that sort of spade!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to the announcement by Prime Minster Gordon Brown of his intention to take a "bucket and spade" holiday in Suffolk, there have been reports of a national shortage of buckets and spades.

According to Doug and Phil of "Dig'n'fill", the largest manufacturer of bucket and spades in the country, there has been unprecedented demand this year.

Doug, or is it Phil, says:

"We have buckets and spades of all descriptions. Big ones, small ones, plain ones and patterned ones, available in plastic, metal and glass, and we even have a 9ct gold one for the Abramovitch family or Colleen Rooney.

"Or at least we did have a big selection until the Prime Minister rendered them as this year's "must have" item.

"Our Burberry design has been particularly popular with the brain-dead and blonde 4x4 drivers, although we have had difficulty in prising these people from their mobile phones so we can assess what their exact requirements are."

Phil, or was it Doug added:

"We have an adult version proving popular with road builders where they can pop the spade in the sand and lean on it while reading their copy of the Sun. And our black 'burka bucket', compete with horizontal letterbox slit on one side is proving a big hit with our brother and sister customers of Middle Eastern extraction.

"However, I will concede that our special version for amputees, that come without a handle on either bucket or spade, despite availability on NHS prescription, is not our biggest seller.

"We also have a version for pets which is proving popular with footballers' wives. And we are delighted that we have been able to sell a £2 "Jimmy Chew / Louis Vittriol version into Harvey Nicks for £290, which they in turn are selling for £700 as a 'designer bucket and spade' - this is the one we have plenty of, as Poundstretcher have over-ordered this year.

"I just hope the Chinese don't flood the market with cheap Poundstretcher copies"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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