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Wednesday, 9 July 2008

image for O'Shea To Barcelona Shocker
Crisps similar to the Doritos that could be part of the deal that takes O'Shea to Camp Nou...

John O'Shea has shocked Manchester United by admitting to respected German newspaper Wunter Under Meijer that his head has been turned by interest from Barcelona. The Catalan club's need for a new turnstile has been well-publicised in recent weeks, and coach Josep Guardiola has revealed that O'Shea's price tag of £2.77 and a packet of Doritos has proved tempting.

''One of our turnstiles has unfortunately been retired due to rust and we need something that will only turn in a clockwise direction and takes 15 seconds to complete a full circle'', said Guardiola. ''One of my scouts said he was aware of an object called John O'Shea, who fit the bill perfectly. Turnstiles are expensive these days and £2.77 + a bag of Doritos is a price we're willing to pay.''

This will come as a blow to Sir Alex Ferguson who not only uses O'Shea as one of the corner flags during training sessions, but also gives him the odd game.

Although he was clearly letting United know under no uncertain terms that he'd be interested in the move, O'Shea was still loathe to commit himself either way.

''Of course it's an honour to be linked with a move like this. The Nou Camp is one of the busiest and most historic stadiums in the world so I'd get a lot of action if I was a turnstile there. But let's not forget that I'm currently a corner flag for the current Premiership and Champions League winners, a fact that I'm immensely proud of.

''Wes Brown, Darren Fletcher and Flaggie (United's no. 1 corner flag) are hard guys to shift when they're on form, so I'm keeping my options open''.

Sir Alex Ferguson didn't have much to say, simply grumbling a distracted ''Uuuuhh, issa geck unna wissst, a duss tha surrundsae alla kecka sha, ya knuh?'', when asked to comment on the subject by a Wunter Under Meijer journalist.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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