Written by Gordon Tonker
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Monday, 7 July 2008

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There was no giant hand on hand to offer a helping hand to Alan

Sir Alan Sugar has fired himself as pilot of his plane after disappointing himself with a disappointing landing. Blaming wet weather, the bearded star of The Apprentice told how he overshot the runway at the City Airport Manchester.

Sugar relived the moment he realised trouble was brewing: "I had just finished stowing away the drinks trolley when I noticed the weather had turned nasty. Storms were making conditions quite treacherous and we were dropping faster than Marks & Spencer shares."

Sir Alan has flown his four-seater light aircraft after a lengthy and ultimately fruitless search for a real pilot. "No one quite came up to scratch. Some could fly the plane but couldn't serve hot beverages without spillages, others could do both those tasks but fell apart when trying to decide which episode of Mr. Bean to show during the flight.", he explained.

The former Amstrad boss played down the incident and insists he was never in any real danger. He has however given himself the boot from the cockpit after berating himself for not paying close enough attention to weather reports. An outraged Sugar later found out that he had lied on his CV and does in fact have no flying experience.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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