London - (Royal Ass Mess): William, Harry, silly little wannabe royal trollops Kate Middleton and Chelsy Davy plus their official dealers Dave Skunk and Hughie Crackhead are in a state of shock this weekend.
A series of undercover MI5 raids has busted hundreds of royal protection squad officers for a gambling scam that bombed owing nearly £2 milion.
And now the ring's bankers Northern Crock Bank has pulled the rug and demanded immediate repayment of their credit lines.
The illicit internet spread betting business was making up to £100,000 a week feeding rapacious royal crackheads' appetites for unlimited drug supplies and doshing up hundreds of officers on meagre police pay packets.
"You'd think they'd be too busy guarding those puppet monarchy inbreed tossers to have any time left to get up to serious mischief of their own."
That was the official comment from directors of online spread-yer-legs betting index Aintgottaprayer.con after hundreds of royal protection squad officers were busted for running a secret internet syndicate betting on the price of oil, the dollar and headless chickens.
The news broke this week after MI5 covert raids smashed the six year ring that operated "right under the Queen's nose" from Buckingham Palace, St James's Palace, Ballybollox Castle in Scotland and Windsor Castle.
Rookie cop Constable Jim B Ergerac started the ring "for a bit of a lark, really" from a lap-top in a Buckingham Palace boiler room used regularly by Gamblers Anonymous members of the royal family for their weekly meetings.
His lawyers said today they would be counter-suing MI5 and MI5 whose own officers "have been gambling with the nation's assets and sanity" ever since the US assassination of President John F Kennedy in November 1963.
Aintgottaprayer.con gives Ergerac a less than 50/50 chance of even airing these grievances before an Old Bailey jury later this year.