Written by Phil McAvity
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Sunday, 6 July 2008

image for Britain Joins Space Race - Tranny Van Set To Go To Mars
Dave pictured 2 years ago in Great Yarmouth

Britain has finally decided to join the international space race and is set to launch an ambitious manned fact-finding mission to giant red planet Mars. Legendary space pioneers Yuri Gagarin, Neil Armstong and Buzz Aldrin will soon be joined in the space hall of fame by Dave Fishbladder from Norwich.

Fishbladder, an ex painter and decorator, came up with the brainwave after he failed to find a buyer for his 1986 Ford Transit diesel after advertising it for 6 months in his local newsagents window.
" Oi thought, well if no buggers goin' to buy moi vaaaan Oi moight as well go to Mars" he said.

So intrepid Dave set about making the necessary modifications to the rusty old banger. Gone are the ladder racks on the roof and side - which have been replaced by tiles (which Dave had left over from his kitchen extension) used to repel the enormous heat experienced on re-entry into the earths upper atmosphere. Dave has also sealed all the windows with silicon gel to ensure an airtight vacuum inside the super-tranny.

Dave plans to launch the transit (which has recently had a full tune up at Dave's local garage to ensure there is enough thrust to power the vehicle out of the Earths gravitational field) from a purpose built ramp made from bricks and plywood atop the roof of Canary Wharf in Londons trendy Docklands area. Dave will also be armed with all the latest high-tech space gadgetry - including a Tom-Tom donated by Comet, and a flask and sandwiches donated by his grateful wife Mavis. This will be Dave's second attempt to join the space race following a failed attempt to launch a combine harvester into orbit from Great Yarmouth bridge 2 years ago.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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