Written by Kent Pete
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Homeless, life, tramps

Thursday, 3 July 2008

image for 'Tramp' sells life for £35,000

A 'traveller' living in a wet house in North London has agreed a bid of more than £35,000 after putting his "entire life" up for sale following a downturn in fortunes that saw him spiral out of control. Street drinker John Marshall, 54, who left Derby ten years ago, had been living rough since 2001.

Mr Marshall decided to sell his life on eBay after seeing the success of Ian Usher from Perth, Western Australia who sold his house, car, job and friends in the online auction for a staggering £192,000 earlier this month. John's life attracted a peak offer of £35,276 when bids closed early last week.

However it now appears that the buyer, who wishes to remain anonymous for legal reasons, is complaining that he has made a dreadful mistake and that eBay should have prevented him from making such a ludicrous offer.

Mr A, from Beckenham in Kent told our reporter: "I am not making excuses but I was worse for drink when I made the final bid. I must admit I got caught up in the hype that followed the case in Australia."

"I had been out for a late night drink with some of the lads from the office and in my drunken state I thought that I would be able to sell my story to a national tabloid. I have had very little media interest so far. 'The Bromley Gazette' did run an article with the headline, "Local man makes a First class Twat of himself" but as of yet I have received no money for the story. It appears I have spent my entire years salary on five cans of Special Brew, a 1977 Shoot annual (minus the poster of Gordon Hill), an out of date tube of Canesten cream and three pairs of heavily soiled underpants. My wife has thrown me out and I am to all intents and purposes homeless"

Meanwhile John was delighted at the deal. Talking to our Home affairs correspondent he said: "I can't believe my luck. What started off as a laugh has ended up with a cheque for over £35,000. This is the break I have been looking for. The money is safe in a bank, I'm off to the Priory tomorrow, have put a deposit down on a small flat and start work at Camden council next month. My life really has turned a complete circle."

Asked if he felt any sympathy for the man who had in effect ruined his life by buying his Mr Marshall said: "What is the old Latin phrase, 'Caveat emptor'. He has my life now and he is welcome to it."

Make Kent Pete's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 2?

1 8 6 13
56 readers are online right now!

Go to top