"Britains Next Top Cripple" has emerged as a surprise ratings hit for the BBC after last nights revealing episode where eight beautiful, feisty, women hopped, tottered and wheeled their way down the catwalk competing for the coveted title and modelling contract.
Judged by three non-cripples and Miss Havisham in a bathchair, the models were subjected to a nauseating diatribe of contrite platitudes regarding their disabilities. Deaf-mute Lilli came in for the harshest criticism, described as "not crippled enough" by Miss Havisham who was eager to grab the public sympathy vote for the winning model with a "visible" disability.
The first elimination of the armless and legless contestants was Rebecca, who was born with one leg. Although judges staged a mock argument to illustrate that eliminating a model with a disability is a "tough choice", Becca just didn't have a leg to stand on in the end.
Viewers can expect deaf bitch-fights via interpreters, prosthetics at dawn and cries of "amputee" from Kellie, who is actually trying to say "Im pretty!" in the only competition on TV where accident victims are judged by fashion victims.