London - (Ass Mess): Tony Blair will get £50 million and a Papal knighthood for delivery of schism-hit C of E members back to the bosom of the Vatican according to reliable sources.
"And cheap at the price," was the only printable comment from the Papal Pro-Nuncio in London today as he scurried back to his underworld pals in the UK treasury who are finalising the obliteration of police evidence about the death of God's Banker Roberto Calvi.
Blair, 56, recently converted to Catholicism after a done deal that guarantees the Vatican will protect him from the wrath of NATO where his criminal records in their entirety are still causing angst for wannabe European Union Treaty diehards.
Pope Joe Ratzinger meanwhile has been refused permission once again for an official state visit to the UK until the macabre and fetid truth about the bankruptcy of the Vatican Bank is safely consigned to eternal fiction.
Some of this plan has always relied on the principaL witnesses against him being conveniently persuaded to stay schtum via a succession of drive-by shooting attempts.
Fortunately for Blair the tried and trusted excuse of "only following orders" still stands in good stead.
Gerry Adams is apoplectic.