London-- Buckingham Palace confirmed rumours that pop star Amy Winehouse is the illegitimate daughter of Prince Charles.
She was born after a brief affair in late 1983. Charles had been going through a bad spat with Di at the time so he picked up a stranger in a pub for a one-night stand. Amy was born nine months later. She looks exactly like her famous father without her trademark beehive hairdo.
Her mum knew the entire time but didn't say anything until the rumours started. The royal family was shocked at first but decided to face reality and act like mature adults. The Queen herself invited Amy for a luncheon at the Palace to get acquainted.
The luncheon was held yesterday and almost everyone was on their best behaviour. The young princes greeted Amy as a sister and were very gallant. Charles and Camilla were very friendly and cordial and made Amy feel welcome. HRH was also friendly and generous and honoured Amy with the title of Duchess of Avalon.
The only negativity came from Prince Philip.
"So what are you supposed to be anyway?? Are you a jew?? Are you Irish?? We don't like darkies here. Why are you so damned ugly anyway?? Why don't you just bugger off?" he asked the shocked star.
The luncheon table fell into a stunned silence that lasted a very uncomfortable 30 seconds. The queen's face turned a bright red and the young princes squirmed in extreme embarrassment.
"Ef you Gramps, the whole lot of you are rotters, why, you all suck!" said Amy as she stood up to leave.
The luncheon table erupted into applause and laughter. Amy looked very shocked.
"We just wanted to see your reaction." explained Camilla. "We don't want anymore crybabies in the family."
Amy cheerfully sat down again and the entire royal family planned a wonderful summer vacation in the land of Avalon!