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Friday, 27 June 2008

image for Labour misplaces deposit in Henley by-election
Is this the haystack the deposit might have been lost in?

The Conservatives have won the Henley by-election, with Labour candidate Richard McKenzie losing his deposit as he trailed in behind the Greens, the British National Party, the British Library, the Sinclair C5 and even the Co-op.

Richard McKenzie losing his deposit is the latest in a long line of things being lost while Labour are in government.

Mr McKenzie said: "I had my deposit with me in the morning. My wife, who is called Mrs McKenzie, clearly reminded me as I left for the by-election, I definitely remember her saying "have you got your deposit with you darling?"

"When I got down to Henly Town centre, I definitely had my deposit in my wallet, a leatherette Dr Who one the kids bought me for Fathers' Day.

"However, when I got to the polling station, I couldn't find it anywhere. I really don't remember leaving it on the train or on the bus, although in fairness, I did drive by car all the way, because I can claim 40p a mile and then get nicer things from John Lewis on expenses."

Mr McKenzie's lost deposit joins an ever-increasing list of lost products, including the details of 3 million learner drivers going astray from a company in the US, the loss of discs from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) containing personal details of 25 million people a laptop containing the details of 600,000 people stolen from a Royal Navy officer in Birmingham, details of almost 900,000 calls to the Scottish Ambulance Service and hundreds of documents containing sensitive personal data found dumped on a roundabout in Devon and of course the Secret Service dossier on terrorism left on the Waterloo-Surrey train.

Commenting on this latest loss, Transport Secretary Ruth Kelly was said to be filling in her John Lewis expense account for a Smeg fridge for her new constituency home in the south of France, although the word 'Smeg' is frowned upon by her Opus Dei colleagues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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