Carmarthenshire Wales - Llywnywermod was assumed ownership by Prince Charles in 2006 after evicting rightful owners for unpaid taxes and has been undergoing renovations ever since. Yesterday Prince Charles paid tribute to the palace toadies that have made the project happen without any effort at all on his part.
"Can I first of all say what an enormous pleasure it is to be away from those clever tabloid journalists that mock my every move and expect me to say something sensible now and then, here there is no expectation of any sort. I used to snicker at Welsh village names thinking this was a haven for those who failed spelling but have found the people of Wales to be a friendly lot who put up little resistance to my overbearing and patronizing visits."
After his obligatory condescending remarks the prince commissioned a series of traditional flat weave rugs for the couple's new Welsh farmhouse at Llywnywermod. The prince and duchess then walked backwards to Aberglasney Gardens, in Llangathen, to officially open its new historic gardens.
The project is not completely finished, but the royals will nevertheless stay at their Welsh home for the first time on Monday and inaugurate it with a bout of binge drinking and sex like monkeys with interested townspeople and tradesman who worked on the project.
Mill owner James Grime was also hoping the royal orgy would give his business a boost. "It has only been known for a short while that the prince is wife-swapping with us and we have already had some interest as a result," He said the prince is very interested in how free sex with locals could be tied in with the area's woollen industry.
This year's royal tour does not include any destinations in north Wales due to the protracted debauchery extending to press-ganged villagers and anticipated slow recovery but the prince will be holding a series of subsequent meetings with his local Internet counter-surveillance group posing as Salvationists and members of the National Trust.
On Wednesday the prince, accompanied by the duchess, will present free Tee-shirts well marked WALES to large breasted young women who should know better cheekily encouraging men of all ages to leer at their leviathan sized mammaries.
The initiative is intended to demonstrate the Prince's unbridled respect for the youth of Wales. The prince plans to paint a watercolour of a pornographic nature of the Tee-shirt giveaway to be used as a logo to specially commemorate the occasion and be engraved as a postage stamp.