Equality minister Harriet Harman has set out plans to allow positive discrimination towards female job candidates with iffy hairdoes. She said firms should be able to choose a woman with a pudding bowl hairstyle with a long side parting stuck on it over ones with long beautiful locks.
And speaking from Mario's Barbers in Clapham, she stated: 'Yes, for too long employers have burst out laughing at silly haircuts, and made scissor-cutting signals behind some women's backs, now it will become law to give people like Anne Robinson and even journalist Anne Leslie jobs over women who actually look nice. OK, not Anne Leslie, that's going too far, but certainly girls who ruin their suspiciously youthful looks with a monk's Barnet.'
And fellow Labour minister, and wearer of the worst hair in Western Europe, Jacqui Smith added: 'The new law is necessary and essential, and, er, vital if I'm to keep my job, as I don't do anything as Home Secretary any more than Gordon Brown does anything as PM. Pass us the hairspray, will you?'
Many were suggesting that this law would merely encourage talentless people to sneakily get jobs simply by the shape of their follicles, but this was denied by former Prime Minister Margaret Hitler. 'We became leader of the Reich due to our political abilities, Mrs Harman has no abilities at anything except looking rather pretty, then getting a canine barber to make a mess of her hair. And as for Jacqueline Brown, our dart board has her on it every second day, with the Queen on it at the other times.'
But Her Majesty herself welcomed the planned law, and will become head of the Royal Society of Dodgy Hairdos. Princess Anne is in the stables again.