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Thursday, 26 June 2008

image for New rail energy committee to be sponsored by opticians' society
Department of Transport's free gift with every diesel train ordered

The recently announced government committee to look into future power for the railways - The Solar Panel - headed by Transport Secretary Ruth Kelly, is to receive major sponsorship from the opticians' British Ophthalmic Anaesthesia Society.

This sponsorship was welcomed by the government, and Secretary of State Kelly said:

"I do wish people would stop making rhymes with my surname. 'Jelly' I can put up with, but when they start using 'Belly', 'Telly' and 'Smelly', well, I do object. It's the same for my friend Alex Thrum - she gets Bum and Scum. My neighbours Frank Tuck and his brother-in-law Michael Punt think it's really funny. But I think it's just not fair!

"Anyway, we are thrilled that the British Ophthalmic Anaesthesia Society is sponsoring The Solar Panel. It is very appropriate given that not only does the public need anaesthetising because of the continual guff we produce in relation to public transport, but the fact we won't do anything about electrifying the railways, preferring as we do to run expensive and CO2-unfriendly diesel trains which we can collect lots of VAT and duty from, is so short-sighted that my department and I do need glasses.

"So we have a convenient package in one with the British Ophthalmic Anaesthesia Society. Isn't that fantastic and brilliant and really great or what?"

"Right, I can't stand around here all day gassing to you lot. I'm off to Crucifixes-R-Us to do some shopping."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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