Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Police, Crime, Gangs

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

image for Gang Crime: "Stop the Ermine 5"
"Fuck Me, They Are Madder Than Me!!!"

Police and anti-crime protesters have called for the "Ermine 5" to be brought to justice. The gang have brought terror to many as they make decisions which fly in the face of common sense. It is thought that the gang are addicted to drugs-mostly alzheimer drugs.

The gangs leader, "Lord" Bingham (86) is known to like dressing up in fur and wearing a wig. His gang are believed to be hold up in the Old Bailey where they continue to make (surely break, ed?) the law. They have no respect for the victims of their crimes and only stop to receive treatment from their nurse.

The youngest member of the gang, "Lord" Rodger, said "My colleagues would like to comment but are far too senile to talk to the press".

It is thought that the gang are planning to spring a number of notorious criminals from prison over the coming weeks. Terrorists and killers may be set free in daring raids on logic and common sense.

Police are worried because any potential witnesses will want anonymity. The gang will seek to "nobble" any witness. Fear has gripped the capital. Secretary of State, Jack "Cheese" Straw said " The gang are thought to be part of the much larger House of Lords syndicate. I promise to stop this syndicate. Or join it".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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