Today the Chancellor of the Labour government, Alastair Darling, announced that 25 million pounds of taxpayers' money was being lost every day. 'Yes', he admitted, 'it's true! Nobody knows where it goes, it just disappears like magic', although some had suspicions of the destination of the money.
One source in the City, banking expert Sharif du Nottinghill, said: 'Well, there's all those pointless courses in schools, about gender equality in the badger population, and about how to dot an 'i' and cross a 't'. Plus sending soldiers into pointless wars to keep a certain trillion-dollar defence spending country happy, it all adds up.'
And another analyst added: 'Don't forget the ridiculously overmanned Civil Service, and Parliament itself is the biggest waste of taxpayers' cash in history. Just feeding John Prescott there costs £25milion a week alone.'
Conservative politicians were busy waffling cliches about misuse and inefficiency, despite having nearly bankrupted the country in the 1980s, and nobody cared what Liberals were saying, or even doing. But in Edinburgh, Scottish Wee Free Minister Alex Salmond said: 'You give the job of Chancellor to a Scot, and surprise surprise the books get fiddled! We more or less invented monetary fraud, how do you think our Parliament cost ten times its budget?!'
Rob Roy McGregor was unavailable for comment, as he was rustling sheep in Cumbria.