Speaking from Trafalgar Square in London, Antony Gormless claimed that standing on one leg for an hour is art. 'Yes, it's a cultural expression of London's ethnic wealth, and not just a totally boring and pointless exercise to get people like me into the news. Who am I, anyway?'
And Blinky Shonibore, who won the 2006 Turner Prize by letting an elephant do his paintings, added: 'Standing on one leg in the centre of a capital city sums up the manifestation of post-impressionistic art, where art becomes life, and my corns give me a bit of gyp. I could murder a pint of cods' at the Tate and Gooseflesher.'
Another artist, Henry Mooron, claimed: 'Can you spare me ten pence for a cup of tea, guv? Bit parky out, innit? Did you know 'itler painted stuff, fink it was probably a bit of household decoration on the side, wot wiv 'im being a bit busy invading Europe'n'stuff.'
The standing on one leg for an hour event has received a grant from the Government, to 'promote cultural diversity in an 'awwwww' sort of luvvy way, without offending any minority groups but offending the taxpayers with such nonsense.' And one passing policewoman said: 'Sorry, I can't attend the event, I have a meeting to go to, to discuss discrimination against people who dress up as rabbits awareness.'
London residents were today wishing that the Luftwaffe had destroyed Trafalgar Square, to stop such pointless events, and some were even considering sending a few telegrams to the European Championships, asking for the guys there to come over and finish the job. Hermann Goring was unavailable for comment.