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Monday, 23 June 2008

image for Queen told "become more personal, or else"
George Gallywhey, leader of the British Numeric Party

In a harshly worded statement issued to Buckingham Palace, George Gallywhey, leader of the British Numeric Party - the BNP - has told Her Majesty the Queen to "shape up or ship out" and to stop being discriminatory.

Speaking at the BNP Annual Conference held in Formaldehyde, County Racistshire, Mr Gallywhey said:

"The Queen and her family continually refer to themselves in conversation as "One".

It's always "One did this" and "One did that" and "One does not know this or that".

"Well I'm sorry.

"My constituents and certainly many of my voters are, by and large, extremely, if not terminally stupid, and have extreme difficulty in counting up to 'one'. So how can members of the Royal Family expect them to know what the Queen means when she says "One is not amused"?.

"I have suggested to Her Maj, or Liz as I call her, that she says "I" instead of "one" from now on.

"In fact, it would be even more eminently suitable if she was to say "Me and Phil" rather than all that poncy "The Duke of Endinburgh and I" nonsense.

"It took me years of campaigning to stop fish and chip shops wrapping their stuff in newspaper, because it was offending my illiterate constituents to the extent of putting them right off their organised racial taunting. So to have this going on now is, well, frankly quite upsetting.

"And while they'e at it, Charles had better buck his ideas up and stop his boys playing that upper class polo and Garter nonsense. It's putting me right off me KKK hood-knitting classes."

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