London - Buckingham Palace officials report that the Queen is cross with Prince Philip for falling off the wagon after promising to be "a very good boy, cross-my-heart-hope-to-die."
Once in a rage Philip can be quite his own little man often shouting, "Where are my mushy peas, mushy peas, mushy peas !!!" all the while pounding his little fists on the table and holding his breath until he turns blue.
Palace officials are beside themselves as they do not know what to do.
Once in "his state again", as its called, the Queen, it seems, is the only one who can console Philip.
She carefully spoons mushy peas into his mouth with one hand, while shaking his favorite lovey over her head with the other, cooing "what a fiiine, fiiine boy Phily is, Phily is, yesss, yesss Phily is, areeeeeen't you?"
Even so Philip is a messy eater, often clearing the table with one hand to storm away, goose-stepping the halls all night long, singing Lili Marleen, and cursing the Scots for being stand-offish.