In 2008, despite it being common knowledge in Scotland for over 50 years, gullible English people still believe that the Stone of Scone is the real one.
Speaking from his castle in California, William Wallace, Scottish revolutionary and sheep rustler, said: 'Aye, the chances of this being the real Stone are about as likely as England ever winning the World Cup again without a Russian linesman, i.e. not at all. The Stone - if it was the real one in the first place - was stolen from Westminster Abbey in 1950, and 'returned' shortly afterwards.
One satirist, Robert de Bruis, said: 'Would you Adam and Eve it, mate! Them Jocks wouldn't give you a fiver, never mind give you back a fiver they'd harf-inched orf you! You've gotta larf, havencha!'
But Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, trying not to laugh, had this to say: 'Listen, WE rule the United Kingdom, and we don't care what the English think, the only things they're good at are playing football, and writing satire, and knowing about history, and annoying the Scots - OK, annoying the Scots, anyway.'
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Scotland's monarch, said from Balmoral Castle: 'We know our English neighbours need constant reassurance nowadays, but we hope that they can learn a bit about the countries that rule them - Scotland and America. Wonder why we spend all our time up here? Maybe it's to get away from English people, who think they still live in the 1500s under Henry VIII's rule. He was our great-great-great-great - stop shooting at the neighbours, Harry! - grandfather.'
But from the grave, ex-Scottish ruler and all-round babe, Mary Queen of Scots, said: 'The day the English get the better of the Scots is the day I become French. Va-t'en, espece des cochons Anglais!', to a round of applause from the English Gullible Society. Weapons and stones of mass destruction will be found in Westminster Abbey, just as soon as the cleaners sweep out the thousand-year old cobwebs. Mark McTwain is 64 today.