Written by Gordon Bennet
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Tuesday, 17 June 2008

image for Can you spot a Shirt Lifter from the Type and Style of his Moustache?
Can you spot the Shirt Lifter?

Yesterday at the University of Brown Eyes an incredible high percentage of Students decided that a particular style of Tache gave the game away as they debated well in to the night trying to establish if you where able to spot a shirt lifter by the shape and size of their Moustache.

Monsieur Fu Manchu a Spokesperson for the French Embassy said "that after the Stonewall Riots back in 1969 it became compulsory for Gay Men to sport a Moustache."

In fact it was a requirement said Ivor Bottomly a retired College Lecturer from San Francisco who was featured in the 2001 documentary "Can you decide from their Dress Code who Bats for the other Side."

Ivor said "Most Poofters back in the late 60's and early 70's wore a Flannel Shirt, Bomber Jacket, Jeans, Boots and a luxuriant Freddie Mercury Style Moustache."

In the 1980's the Handlebar Club endorsed by well known classical actor Ron Jeremy claimed many famous Celebs as members including Sir Ivor Biggun, Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds, Daley Thompson and Bobby Ball.

Recently with the spread of Aids most Givers prefer to sport a smaller Tache known as the Chevron as it is a well known scientific fact that the virus can be spread via facial hair.

Dr Ben Dover from The Institute of KY Jelly said "it has also been noticed that many Friends of Dorothy who are prone to having colds in the winter decide to shave off their Tache for at least six months of the years due to suffering from a constantly running nose.

Sporting a magnificent Handlebar Moustache Flight Captain Henry Fudge-Pot from British Airways said "the one group of men who created confusion where Pilots, particularly the ones who have a real dashing type of Tache commonly known as an Imperial Jobbie.

Captain Henry added "that it had been found that even though the Guys had similar facial hair there where the usual Airline Pilots who shagged everything in a skirt while the Pilots in the Forces who spend many months of the year only with other men became Government Inspected Meat.

Major Bumsore of the British Army based in Iraq said "all my guys have Taches and 60% of them can take it and 55% are prepared to leave it."

Professor Ivor Hemorrhoids claimed that a survey which had been carried out over the last few years had been indecisive as bums had gone Up and Down but there was no doubt that the debate would Run and Run.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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