As this country sinks further into the slough of despond, the Home Office is to launch a series of adverts encouraging 18- to 24-year-olds to drink more in order to forget about their troubles. Idiotic behaviour should be promoted at all costs to make the government look sensible.
In its latest taxpayers money-wasting scheme, the government plan to spend £4 million on adverts to be shown in the evening and late at night to catch viewers before and after nights out. They will depict young people injuring themselves with sharp knives because knife crime is far too low and the police have nothing to do except chase cars. These young people are shown being violent and smearing vomit in their hair - pretty normal behaviour really!
The adverts will ask: "You wouldn't start a night like this, so why end it that way?" and will show early archive film footage of Home Secretary Jacqui Smith as a young woman smudging make-up down her face, ripping her clothes and putting vomit in her hair. It will also show a young John Prescott in a bare-knuckle fight, urinating in the street and spewing his ring up to show that such behaviour is habit-forming.
Chief executive of Alcohol Concern, Arthur Lager, told In Seine News;
"It is vital for young people to understand that socialising must always involve heavy drinking, fighting, having sex and taking drugs, otherwise I would be out of a job, the NHS would only have verruccas to treat and the police would be bored silly!".
You can't keep a good Kebab down!