Welsh Conservative Alun Cairns was today appointed as Britain's ambassador to Italy.
Speaking from his house in Llanelli, he said: 'It is an honour to represent my country in this way, and it will be delightful to experience Italian culture at first hand.' And Italian president, Donaldo Corleone, said: 'We made him an offer he couldn't refuse, so he'll be here within the week.'
Many have wondered if Mr Cairns has the experience or ability to handle such a complex and delicate job, and he was asked why he had turned down a previous offer of being ambassador to Spain. 'Because the Spanish or all smelly dagos', he replied, 'and stink of garlic, and drink too much. Italy sounds far nicer.'
The Italian government has prepared a formal holiday for the ambassador's arrival, and thousands are expected to turn out to joyfully greet him in Rome. Another favourite there, Joseph Ratzinger, said: 'Well, it could be worse, Alun could be a Nazi and start insulting Poles and Jews on the radio. At least he hasn't insulted Germans.'
But in an off-the-record remark, Mr Cairns riposted: 'Ask that fat old fascist who exactly won the war anyway!', and left the room singing 'The Dambusters' tune, with his arms out like a Lancaster bomber's wings. Cherie Blair has £3,000 more of the public's money since this article begun.