Secret British Government files were found on a train today, the Home Office admitted.
The Independent on Sunday claimed that a big bag of highly sensitive files about terrorism and guinea pig food was somehow left on a seat on the Paddington to Limehouse shuttle, although nobody noticed it until the Independent on Sunday mentioned it, and the newspaper hoped that this would boost its circulation up to sales of 14 copies a week.
Prime Minister Gordon Boron said: 'Yes, George, as a socialist I support colonialism. The files were accidentally left on the train by an MI5 agent, who has no experience of secrecy and security, he just fell asleep and left all those documents for anyone to pick up.'
And Mr Boron's counterpart in America added: 'If ah had a dollar for the number of times ah've lost mah marble files, ah'd be 14 next week.'
This is not the first time that British security services have fouled up, as only last year they claimed that scientist David Kelly was in urgent need of a bullet in the head, and they also said that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, after taking millions of dollars in bribes to say so. But it's the first time they've nearly fooled Sun readers with such trivial childish nonsense.
Stella Rimmingtoken will be the next chief of MI5 - or is it MI6? Who cares? British intelligence is now nearly as much of a joke as America's, if that is possible.