(London, England) - Caught frolicking naked on her college grounds, Britain's Princess Eugenie says she did it to connect with commoners and to "show off my naughty bits, of which I am quite proud."
The teenage daughter of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of Twinkies, was apprehended for her involvement in end of the term "high jinks" at the tony Marlborough Cigarettes College, west of London, according to the UK Associated Press.
According to the tabloid Sun newspaper, a faculty member was awoken by sounds of orgasmic shrieking and found several young women "diddling each other on the grounds outside my building."
Following a good wank, the staff member rounded up the girls, thanked them for the show, and held them until the press could arrive.
Princess Eugenie said the incident was one that she felt most Britons would find endearing.
"It was just end of term fun, you know? I wanted to show I was as common as the next commoner, and I wanted to show off my naughty bits, of which I am quite proud. It's not like I'm some great cow or something, like my sister and my mum. I've got the hottest body of all the royals now that Diana's fully decomposed, and I wanted people to know it."
The Sun reported that there was no suggestion boys were present or drugs were involved.
"Boys?" said the Princess. "Yuck. No. No boys. It was just my Sapphic Sisters group and I. Normally we do this sort of thing to each other indoors, obviously, but we had all split a beer that night, and the next thing you know we were all starkers on the lawn. Someone had brought their rabbit out with them, and one thing just sort of led to another."
"It was just good clean fun, you know. It's not like I got caught garggling spluge in Piccadilly Circus, like what happened to William when he turned 18."
Prince Andrew was reportedly mortified but also a bit turned on.
"It's not really Eugenie's fault," explained the Prince. "She just needs to show better judgment in the future, although I think the dykes she hangs out with aren't helping matters any. Still, now I can see why so many royals of the past ended up marrying within the family. Whoa, momma, Fergie never looked like that!"