Important details relating to Britain's history have been stolen from up to 36 million UK households according to OffWatch, the government department responsible for oversight. This follows hard on the heels of the careless and embarrassing loss of an empire, something Mrs Thatcher failed to rectify in the early 1980's.
Millions of Britons now face the difficult prospect of being unable to retrieve answers to such basic questions as, 'When was the battle of Hastings?' or 'Huh?' It is now thought that one in twenty people may not be able to name the fourth Prime Minister or even remember where they left the TV remote.
Most worryingly, 68% of UK residents with the surname Cooper are completely forgetting their forefathers were once responsible for making barrels. "Comparing this to 98.7% of Smiths being vaguely aware they are descended from apes, the loss to Britain's self-esteem doesn't bear thinking about" said defence minister, Kylie Minogue