Leading spoof writer, Monkey Woods, has issued a controversial claim that new boy on the scene, Wood Monkeys, is an unwelcome impostor who is merely apeing his name to gain attention and fame, writes Monkeys Wood.
"That sneaky b*****d is trying to steal my thunder and I intend to do something about it", said an angry Woods, from his luxury tree house in the New Forest. "Wood Monkeys needs to be taught a lesson and I intend to teach him one", continued Monkey Woods." I went apesh*t when I heard about this. Nuts to him", he added.
In an initial retort to Monkey Woods' claim, alleged impostor spoofer Wood Monkeys, speaking from his suspended tyre at the Bridlington Bay Safari and Wildlife Centre, commented, "I'm not a sneaky b*****d. I'm just a Monkey lover. I love Monkey Woods and I admire his work. In fact I like it so much, I thought I'd give spoofing a bit of a go myself. But I'm only just monkeying about, really".
Incredulous that Monkey Woods intends to sue him for theft of intellectual property rights, a mildly irreverent and very slightly amused Wood Monkeys posed the question,
"Since when did calling yourself Monkey amount to intellectual property?"
"He's a cheeky monkey, that Monkey Woods", added a puzzled Wood Monkeys.
Monkey Woods, however, made it clear that he was in no mood to be messed with. "This is no monkey business", he retorted.
"He would say that, would Monkey Woods", responded a perplexed Wood Monkeys.
However, Mr. G. O. Rilla, LLB, spokesman on behalf of Messrs Monk, Keys, Keys and Woods the firm of solicitors acting on behalf of Monkey Woods, said that Wood Monkeys had sent their client a large bunch of bananas and a bag of monkey nuts by way of a conciliatory gesture as soon as he had heard of the impending legal action to be initiated by Monkey Woods.
"We're not impressed by Mr. Monkeys' conduct", he outlined. "In our opinion, he's just taking the Woods", he added.
"I mean the monkey".
"I mean the mickey", he finally clarified.
But in spite of strong threatening rhetoric from his crack legal team, Monkey Woods is reported to be softening very slightly in his initial outrage at the blatant plagiarism of his famous name.
"The bananas and monkey nuts from Wood Monkeys were a nice touch", said Monkey Woods. "I'm beginning to warm to him a little. But he's by no means out of the woods", added Monkey.
Meanwhile, it has emerged that Monkey Woods and Wood Monkeys have launched a joint legal action against aspiring young spoof writer, Monkeys Wood, for copyright infringement of the globally branded Wood/Monkey/Monkeys/Woods name.
Monkeys Wood, who is reportedly considering changing his name to Woods Monkey, in order to avoid any further potential confusion, was unavailable for comment at his Driffield maisonette. His sister, who said she'd just dropped by "to collect the five quid he owes me", was asked her opinion as to the legal writ which had been served upon her brother.
"Monkey Woods, Wood Monkeys, Monkeys Wood? I've never 'eard of any of 'em, love", she said. "And to be perfectly honest, I don't give a monkey's about none of 'em, neither".