Health conscious food chain Subway has admitted that most of its food range consists of nothing more than "bland common or garden salad."
The franchise which promotes healthy eating as an alternative to fat-filled burgers, greasy chicken parts and Britain's old staple "Fish and deep fried Mars Bars" has admitted that it's actually making a mint from wilted lettuce, tasteless tomatoes and soggy cucumber.
"Basically it's just grass on bread," said a Subway manager earlier today. He also admitted that without the famous Sweet Onion Sauce, nothing would actually sell at all.
"The Sweet Onion Sauce is just fat, sugar, E numbers and Monosodium Glutomate, all the delicious things our customers want congealed together into an appetising sauce. Pile it on the bread and grass and they flock in," added the same manager.
A typical Subway daily order to their manufacturers apparantly consists of 10 loaves, a bit of meat, a bit of cheese, 4 lettuces, 10 tomatoes, 5 cucumbers and a 1000 lb vat of Sweet Onion Sauce.
"Our Sub of The Day is actually bread with grass and sugar," he told reporters.
When asked if anyone ever tried the grey-pink fishy globules known as "seafood special" the manager admitted that it was in fact out of date plankton, but that didn't matter as no one ever touched the stuff anyway.