Sensational chairman of Bradford and Bingley building society Reg Cashister says he will not be happy until he has thrown a bed at Simon Cowell for a whole host of dire programmes such as Britain's Got Tarrant and the X-Factory.
Pals of the furniture-tastic fat-cat cheeky chappy would not be drawn on whether or not this the first time he has threatened such decadent antics but spoof investigations reveal a sexier side to the bragging boardroom Romeo.
We were contacted by TheSpoof.com reader, curvaceous blonde Sadie Tantrum (36) a single mum of 12 who told us in confidence, "He's not the only one! I want to throw a bed at Simon Cowell and Jeremy Kyle at least three times a night!!!"
Reckon you can top her? Call 03891232127 and tell us how!
(Your home may be at risk if you call this number but don't worry, the government will step in.)