A school of dolphins found lounging about on a picturesque beach in Cornwall have been arrested by police and charged with being environmentally unfriendly. If convicted, the maximum sentence is death.
Animal lovers alerted police officers of the dolphins presence, and said that, if left to loiter for too long, they tend to rot. This was considered "a threat to the environment", and the friendly aquatic marine mammals were pounced upon by armed members of Cornwall's finest.
It's not yet known why the dolphins ended up on this particular beach, but it may have been a navigational error by the dolphin leader. We'll never know, because, despite all their frantic jabbering, dolphins can't talk.
Said dolphin fan Simon Crakpott:
"The police tactics were heavy-handed. I was just about to have a ride on the back of one of the dolphins, when a burly officer slapped handcuffs around its dorsal fin."
Local resident Stan Heckle, though, told our reporter:
"They were just laid there, all still and rubbery. This is a lovely beach, and to have a school of dolphins sitting there rotting away is just not acceptable."
Cornwall Police have said they haven't yet decided whether to return the dolphins back to the wild, or to sell them to local fish and chip shops.