Written by Steddyeddy
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Topics: Money, Banks, HSBC

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

image for HSBC to offer lessons in overcharging for tradesmen
The average bank is only in it for the monet

Now that they have been forced to 'reel-in' their £35 letters to customers for 3p overdrafts, HSBC, Britain's largest - and certainly quite a greedy - bank is to offer training to plumbers, electricians and other professional tradesmen on how to overcharge their customers.

Having earned over £100 million from managing National Health hospitals through the PFI (private farce initiative) where they charged extremely inventive rates for very simple tasks - £210 to fit a socket, £100 to fit a lock and £198 to fit a PC data socket - they felt it was their duty to pass on their knowledge to tradesmen who so often have to work hard to earn a living.

Chief Executive of HSBC, Sir Ron Greedy said:

"The days of asking a plumber how much it would cost to fix a leaky toilet and he scratches his crotch, pulls his chin and replies "Oh I don't like the look of this" are over.

"Our new training course, based on our experience of robbing the taxpayer by overcharging the NHS, will teach the tradesman how to charge excessively, but with compassion and expertise.

"In charging the NHS for simple tasks such as replacing plugs or changing lights, we have scientifically developed what we have called, a "matrix of chargeability" or MOC for short.

"The professional is invited to tender by the consumer, say, for the replacing of a lock, and, under normal circumstances, the locksmith may have considered £60 a reasonable rate for the job. However, using the HSBC MOC, the locksmith simply looks up our convenient table under the £60 heading and sees it equates to the £200 we charge."

"People must realise that HSBC is here to serve its shareholders and to make as much money as we can from our hapless publics, irrespective of whether it is immoral or not. This gross misapprehension that we are here to serve the customer must stop.

"If we can pass this knowledge on, it can perhaps divert public attention away from claiming back the excessive charges for letters that we have up to now been able to profit excessively from. Maybe now they can appreciate how devious, underhand and downright greedy the banking institutions in this country have become."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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