A major report issued by some very influential people who know an awful lot about these things, has revealed that footballer Wayne Rooney is worth every penny of the salary he is paid, currently the equivalent in one week to the annual salary of 5 qualified nurses.
A spokesman for the very influential people, Ms Ami Madorwot, explains:
"There is no doubt that Mr Rooney brings great pride to the country and he certainly enriches the people of this fair land, especially his fiancée, family and friends.
"His loyal followers, who queue in the pouring rain to pay through nose for match tickets and overly-expensive, sub-standard Manchester-United team kits made for $2 in the Far East, then huddle in the cold eating unhealthy, high-priced pig-swill cleverly disguised as food, while they watch Wayne and his mates run around the football field, spitting and pulling their shirts over their heads - well, they're happy he's getting such a fine amount.
"And remember, the more he has, the more he can support the drinks, fashion and automotive industries."
Nursing SHO, Lawrence Nightingale from Nantwich Primary Care Trust said:
"We have a secondary emergency unit that we can't afford the 5 nurses we need to staff it. Although we could potentially save lives and treat more patients, we would never expect a fine, upstanding member of the British sports establishment to give up a week's wage to pay for them! It's far more important he invests his money in wine or a vintage car."