Written by Norton Folgate
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Sunday, 8 June 2008

image for Cycle Paths or Psychopaths?

Riding on pavements and not stopping at traffic lights when showing red to allow pedestrians to cross will no longer 'be optional' for Cyclists from 2009.

New Mayor (and keen cyclist himself) Boris Johnson has decided that cyclist must obey the law or face the wrath of authorities and heavy fines.

After a succession of angry complaints from thousands of Londoners who are increasingly frustrated in playing a daily game of 'Russian Roulette' when crossing the roads in Central London.

Spokesperson for ACAT (All Cyclists are Twats) Lennie Moore said, 'I speak not just as a Londoner but for the silent majority of this great city when I say that they (cyclists) are a menace and they need sorting out. Know what I mean?'

However, cycling groups hit back and were aghast by the tactics of ACAT and what they represent. Spokesperson for PAW (Pedestrians Are Wankers) Adrian Johnson said, 'This is ridiculous, cyclists are being needlessly targeted. We need protection not intimidation and legislation'.

Boris Johnson was sadly unavailable for comment after earlier being found drunk on the Circle line.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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