Written by tishtosh
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Mustache

Saturday, 7 June 2008

image for Moustaches Responsible for Millions of Deaths!
Adolf Hilter inhaling Moustache Mite Dung before invading Poland!

Following a four year investigation it has come to the attention of anti- terrorism chiefs that throughout history, the people who have threatened world peace have all sported facial hair.
The scientists carried out comprehensive investigations on moustaches to establish how they could possibly affect the behaviour of their suiters.

Saddam Hussain, Hitler, Stalin, Genghis Khan, Werewolves and Mugabe to name but a few.
In comparison, our clean faced saviours include Winston Churchill, J.F.Kennedy, Nicholas Parsons, Mother Theresa and Queen Elizabeth I.

A spokesman said " we have now isolated the characteristic which highlights and possibly triggers the mad, world domination ambitions of humanity.

We know that in order to control Samson, his foes had to remove his hair. If we can remove the moustaches of these mad mullahs we believe their crazy compulsions to destroy the West will subside. Its no coincidence that clean shaven Hari Krishnas are the most placid, caring people on Earth."

Scientist believe that the minds of moustached people are negatively affected by the dung of the Moustache Mite.

The dung, which is inhaled through the nostrils, contains high doses of PH2-3N, a hallucinatory chemical found in magic mushrooms.

"Without a doubt, people who grow facial hair, are inhaling mind affecting chemicals through the dung of Moustache Mites. It was widely believed that mosquitos were responsible for the most deaths throughout history but this pales into insignifigance in comparison to the moustache mite, which turns mild mannered people into murdering monsters" said Alastair Best PHD.

The government are considering "dipping" anyone with facial hair in order to destroy the mites.

Make tishtosh's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 2?

8 16 25 4

Go to top